part 1 IRIS: I have found aImost everything ever written about Iove to be true. 我發現所有關于愛情的描述都是真的 Shakespeare said, "Journeys end in Iovers meeting."莎士比亞曾說“戀人總在旅程的終點相會” Oh, what an extraordinary thought! 真浪漫的想法 PersonaIIy, I have not experienced anything remoteIy cIose to that, 雖然我從來沒有過這種經驗 but I'm more than wiIIing to beIieve Shakespeare had. 但是我相信莎翁有過 I suppose I think about Iove more than anyone reaIIy shouId. 我對愛情一向比別人想得更多 I'm constantIy amazed by its sheer power to aIter and define our Iives. 也深切地相信愛情能改變人生 It was Shakespeare who aIso said, "Love is bIind."莎士比亞也說：“愛情是盲目的” Now that is something I know to be true. 這一點我肯定是真的 For some, quite inexpIicabIy, Iove fades. 不知道為什么，對某些人來說 愛情是漸漸消逝 For others, Iove is simpIy Iost. 其他人則是完全失去愛情 But then, of course, Iove can aIso be found, 但是有些人能夠輕易找到愛情 even if just for the night. 就算只是一夜情 And then there's another kind of Iove, 當然還有另一種愛情 the crueIIest kind, 最殘酷的那一種 the one that aImost kiIIs its victims. 足以讓人痛不欲生 It's caIIed unrequited Iove.那就是單戀 Of that, I am an expert.我就是這方面的專家 Most Iove stories are about peopIe who faII in Iove with each other, 愛情故事通常講的是兩個人相愛 but what about the rest of us? 但是像我們這種人呢？ What about our stories, 我們的故事很少被提起 those of us who faII in Iove aIone? 孤獨地墜入愛河 We are the victims of the one-sided affair. 我們是單戀的苦主 We are the cursed of the Ioved ones. 也是受詛咒的受害者 We are the unIoved ones, 更是沒人疼沒人愛的可憐蟲 the waIking wounded, the handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space. 就像找不到停車位的殘障人士 Yes, you are Iooking at one such individuaI 像我這樣的一個女子 and I have wiIIingIy Ioved that man for over three miserabIe years, 我死心塌地單戀那個男人 過了三年的痛苦人生 the absoIute worst years of my Iife. 我這一生最慘痛的日子 The worst Christmases, the worst birthdays, 耶誕節很難熬、過生日沒人陪 New Year's Eves brought in by tears and VaIium. 除夕只能放聲大哭、狂吞鎮靜劑 These years that I've been in Iove have been the darkest days of my Iife, 身陷在黑暗的枷鎖中 aII because I've been cursed by being in Iove with a man 因為我無可救藥的愛上一個男人 who does not and wiII not Iove me back. 卻沒得到相同的回報 Oh, God, just the sight of him. 我光是看到他 Heart pounding, throat thickening, absoIuteIy can't swaIIow. 心臟就狂跳、喉嚨干到無法吞咽 AII the usuaI symptoms. 全都是單相思的癥狀 part 2    -Why do l always fall for the bad girl? -You didn't know she was a bad girl. 我怎么老是愛錯人？ 你不知道她這么糟 l knew she wasn't good. 我知道她不是好東西 Do you have anything a little bit stronger? 你有更烈一點的飲料嗎？ Thank you. Let me rephrase this. 謝謝你，我這么說好了 Why am l attracted to a person l know isn't good? 為什么我老是愛錯人？ l happen to know the answer to this. Because you're hoping you're wrong, 我剛好知道答案 因為你祈求上蒼是自己弄錯了 and every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it, 她對你壞，你故意忽視 and every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over 她對你好，你就完全的死心塌地 and you lose that argument with yourself that she's not for you. 完全沒想到其實是她不適合你 part 3      I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, 我了解那種渺小又微不足道的感受 and how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you, 就算遍體鱗傷也要故作堅強 and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get 不管換了幾個新發型 or gyms you join or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, 或是去健身或是和姊妹淘喝白酒 you still go to bed every night going over every detail, 日日夜夜都仍在回想著每個細節 and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. 納悶自己到底哪里錯了，哪里誤解了 And how in the hell, for that brief moment, you could think that you were that happy? 最后自問怎么會把短暫的歡愉 錯當成永久的快樂 And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light 有時候會說服自己 and show up at your door. 他會想清楚回來的 (SlGHS) And after all that, however long all that may be, 經歷過這一切后 you'll go somewhere new 人還是會重新開始 and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, 再遇到值得付出的人 and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. 然后一點一點地重拾自信 And all that fuzzy stuff, 而那些模糊的回憶 those years of your life that you wasted, 那么多年浪費掉的人生 that will eventually begin to fade. 終究會開始消逝